Self-Whoring Solicitation

There's a new website coming to town, and we need your help! Explanation follows...:

RouckOnline is a website devoted to rouckin’.

The notion of rouckin’ began in Rockville, Maryland circa 1994 when one rouckin’ dude refused to cut his hair for two years. At this point in his life, the dude in question listened to a great deal of Metallica and Slayer, and in general preferred to engage in activities where headbanging was involved. Rest assured, dear reader, that nasty habit has ceased. Nevertheless, this dude carried an inexorable spirit with him at all times, a seemingly incongruous blend of intelligent discourse and penetrating critical thought mixed with a willingness to curse at his English teacher and garnished with wardrobe of torn heavy metal t-shirts. Rockville, Maryland could not ignore this dude. The world could not ignore this dude.

And so, a movement was born.

Join us, the International Brotherhood of Dudes, as we take the Internet by storm with the power of RouckOnline.com! We’re gonna have rouckin’ jokes that’ll make you piss your pants, rouckin’ insults guaranteed to bust your balls, rouckin’ images that’ll shoot milk out your nose or out your wiener, depending on the context and your degree of heterosexuality, rouckin’ short stories that’ll bring sunshine into your otherwise cloudy life, and rouckin’ columns so damn hysterial you may even go so far as to refer our website to a valued friend.

But before all that good stuff goes down, we need a web designer. Somebody to set the shit up and show us the ropes, organize it and plot it out, and do it all snazzy-like. Of course, you must rouck—but since you’re still reading, you probably do. We’d also appreciate it if you can put up with lots of stupid questions.

Alas, we cannot pay you in any national currency at the moment. We agree, that soucks. But we are willing to provide glorious recommendations, give you a lengthy and glowing online biography, induct you as an honorary member of the IBD, provide you with an email account—heck, we may even take you out for a beer if you live nearby. Most importantly—and this is no small matter—your ledger sheet in the currency of rouck will be overflowing in the positive, more than enough to endow you and your family with the best of karma and rouckin’ rights for generations to come.

If you’re interested, please drop us a line and we’ll talk. If you’re not, thanks for sticking with us for this long, and remember to keep on rouckin’!