Later, LOTR

I finally got around to watching Lord of the Rings last night. Up until then, I'd been boycotting the whole dynasty because A) I could never get past the first 30 pages of The Hobbit and B) I retain a silly, old-man, anti-establishment philosophy that occasionally makes itself known, and the LOTR trilogy became a target. (Harry Potter is a similar such target.) But, as I managed to obtain a copy for free at work, and I figured I should at least have some clue of who all these characters are (it comes up in the animation world, believe it or not), I popped it in last night.

Problem #1: 208 minutes long. That's approximately 100 minutes longer than Matt Stewart optimal DVD length. Any longer, and it better be amazing. Hint to producers: whenever you have to break a movie into 2 separate DVDs, it's not a good sign.

Problem #2: The lead character, Frodo, is a wimp. The bad guys are cooler. Why root for Frodo? I didn't care--honestly, I was hoping he got his ass beat in an awesome yet hilarious way. I'll never know, unfortunately, because I fell asleep around the 140 minute mark.

Problem #3: Cop-out explanations. My biggest beef about the animation industry is that when something doesn't make sense, some individuals who shall remain nameless say "Oh, it doesn't matter. It's a cartoon. Who cares." That might work in the world of undeveloped cerebellums, but in adult entertainment, which LOTR is undeniably part of, having lead characters do retarded things in crucial situations, or easily outracing a superior life form, or running out of bullets, or foolishly explaining the real name of a person traveleing in secret after a few breskies, is known as copping-out. There were plenty of these in LOTR, and it made me want to turn that crap off. Try thinking a little longer, writers. You're getting paid enough.

There were some cool goblin effects and badguys and fight scenes, and there was a human lead who I thought was badass. Plus, what's not to like about Liv Tyler? Overall, though, LOTR sure wasn't worth 3 and a half hours of my time--if you haven't seen the films, I recommend you keep it that way.