Quietness

I recently read the novel Prep, by Curtis Sittenfeld, which is (as the title and cover art implies) about a girl attending a fictional well-to-do boarding school on the East Coast. There were plenty of problems with the book, most prominently stereotypical characters (the pretty blonde girl, the jocks, the cool black guy everybody likes), scenes that went too long, and a very gimmicky conclusion, but overall I liked it. Largely because it explores the world of people I don't really understand -- quiet people, and quiet women in particular.

The narrator/protagonist, who was a smart overachiever in middle school, clams up in her new surroundings. Every movement is overanalyzed so as to avoid embarrassment and little preemptive action is taken. It's extremely frustrating to read -- just go talk to the boy! say hello! don't be such a wallflower! -- but it's also very interesting. As one who's never lacked in the way of self-confidence, for many years I usually believed that quiet people were boring, not thinking, and/or didn't have anything to say. They rarely added much to a conversation either.

In general, I still think these thoughts are still largely accurate. But quiet people, obviously, are thinking, and many can be fascinating once you get them to loosen up. My grandfather, a really smart guy and astute observer of people, spoke about 10% as much as his wife. I myself, believe it or not, try to talk less. The right words at the right times work better than all words all the time, and many times saying anything at all on a subject will only get me in trouble. I can't believe how many people at work have told me stupid things, like their lack of respect for a colleague or their intentions to quit. Why tell me, dummies? What do you have to gain, except feeling cathartic? Get a shrink.

I also found What Women Want insightful in this realm. (Came out a few years ago, stars Mel Gibson in the ridiculous plot that he was struck by lightning and then can hear women's thoughts...stupid, but an interesting idea.) I was pilloried for admitting this in my writing group, but I was being honest -- I didn't much stop to consider what women care about, and didn't much care that they went about things differently. After all, I don't try on five outfits in the morning looking for the one that makes me look thinnest, I don't worry incessantly about how my every word might come off, I hardly ever think about shoes, and I don't pretend to be somebody else in front of others just to keep appearances up. And while What Women Want was very cliched with those references, the film was effective in hammering home that men and women, in many cases, think quite differently.

A no-brainer, right? But thinking about this more has been really helpful in improving my ability to create believable female characters in fiction, to think about these ideas and get to the truth.