The Amazing Kiss My Bumper

I was interviewed to be on The Amazing Race 10 about a month ago with my brother. For those of you too cool for network prime time, The Amazing Race is a race around the world that involves plenty of physical challenges, driving stick shift (not my specialty), and often eating an overwhelming quantity of nasty food (my specialty!). First one to finish wins a million clams.

What was our secret to getting that far? Putting together a hilarious video featuring Redskins jerseys, rapping, dancing, a brief Broadway number, standup comedy, and using plenty of props. Everybody who saw the video cracked up -- while you never know with Hollywood, I wasn't completely surprised we got the call.

(In comparison, I also applied to be on the show with high school chum Chris a few years back. Chris filmed his section of the video at 3 am, he looks drunk, and he called the show the Human Race. Then he FedExed it to me overnight, and I did a poorly lit (althought funny) bit filmed by an irate then-girlfriend (now wife) capped off with a cartwheel that should have saved the day if they watched it to the end, which I doubt.)

The interview went smoothly too. We talked with the producers for about fifteen minutes (one of them went to Yale, which can't hurt) and basically made it known that we're smart, handsome studs with winning smiles, luscious red hair and plenty of memorable phrases guaranteed to boost ratings.

We didn't make it. Why? Probably because an all-male Hawaiian-shirt lovin' team from San Francisco may very well win it all this season, and I'll be the first to admit that I don't want to see that happen twice in a row.

Still...

Juggling Hilarity

Watch this with sound.

A Fifth Plane?????

I haven't been paying much attention to the Moussaoui trial, but today he revealed that he was supposed to hijack a fifth plane with the shoe bomber. Put them all together and it's a greatest hits collection of 21st century terrorists!

It's strange to read this. Why would this guy tell the truth? What does he have to gain? He's either getting executed (and presumably will attain 70 virgins in heaven -- although he may not be eligible seeing as he got caught and didn't actually kill any infidels) or going to prison for life, where I predict that within two weeks somebody's gonna pull a Jeffrey Dahmer on him in the shower room.

The payoff for truth-telling to the enemy appears to be miniscule. Conspiracy theories anyone?

Dallas Cowboys Jokes Supplied By My College Roommate

Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Playoffs?
A: The Dallas Cowboys

Q: What's Jerry Jones' biggest concern?
A: Does bail money count against the salary cap?

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.

Q: Four Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The police.

Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known Felons.

I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator and now they want a coke machine.

A woman in Dallas calls 911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her "Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."

Old School Weekend

It's an old-school weekend on KMEL (already heard 2 Ice Cube songs) and the rain has finally stopped. I'm two hours from Guinness time.

Life is good.

ALSO -- please note that I've UPPED THE ANTE on the Axl Rose movement. If you haven't signed the petition yet, please do so at once!

(that means you, parents of mine who I know read this from tracking software)

San Diego Snow

I was in San Diego yesterday for work. I've only been to San Diego once before, and again I was impressed by the sheer beauty of the place. Incredibly, as part of the wacky weather we've been having, it snowed in San Diego over the weekend. I also understand it's 80 degrees back east.

I was in town for a cool event -- launching the Got Milk? Gravity Tour, which consists of pro extreme sports athletes doing tricks at high schools around CA. Fabiola Da Silva (7-time X Games Gold Medalist), Danny Mayer, Gabe Weed, Dave Voelker (who did a sick backflip on a BMX bike off the halfpipe) and Tas Pappas were all on hand, cool, and extremely sick at doing tricks on a half-pipe. Seeing those guys catch air live is about 20 times better than TV.

Maybe the best part of being in San Diego was the music. Over the course of a day, I heard Metallica's "Motorbreath" off Kill 'Em All, Pharcyde's "Passing Me By" off Bizarre Ride II Tha Pharcyde, and Quiet Riot "Cum On Feel the Noize," three amazing songs. There's something to be said for surfing all day, listening to cool tunes, and not concerning oneself (or an entire city) with the world's problems.

But I do feel that San Diego, despite a huge population and 2 pro sports franchises, is an irrelevant city. What goes on there besides beaches and the military and a little illegal immigration? Where's the creativity and international leadership? It's a little too sun-streaked, even for a beach-lover like me.

Pigs Are Flying

It's gotten cold in the Bay Area lately. So cold it's snowing.

San Francisco is one of those places where it snows every forty years ago. Well, the jig is up. Tonight they're calling for snow at 500 feet and up, which is actually a fair portion of the city.

You can BANK on me being at the snowball fight tonight!

Brokeback Mountain Got Jobbed

I acquired a DVD of Brokeback Mountain in Thailand for an extremely fair price and recently viewed it at home. I also read the story this winter, which was penned by Annie Proulx, one of my favorite writers.

It was a good story. But the movie was fantastic.

This was one of those rare movies that managed to be quiet and dramatic without being cheesy or sentimental. Words were spare but meant something. Looks and line delivery killed. I'll admit that I didn't particularly like watching the scenes when the guys got it on, but I think it's good that I see it and I accept it. I never got bored; I was always riveted. And the scenery of Wyoming was magical on the screen.

It was one of those rare movies that exceeded the hype.

Now I haven't seen Crash, and I heard it was pretty good. But a movie like Brokeback Mountain only comes along once a decade or so. It should have won. Philip Seymour Hoffman is fantastic in everything (especially Magnolia and Punch-Drunk Love), but Heath Ledger was better here. (I also acquired Capote in Thailand so it's an informed statement.)

Hollywood may be liberal, but there are clearly enough old conservative guys voting to deep-six a winner. Not that I have much faith in the Oscars--I knew it was a gyp the year Pulp Fiction lost to Forrest Gump, the cheesiest movie ever made--but they are the highest accolades in the storytelling world and the wrong guys won.

Words of Wisdom From Shaq Diesel

"I'm going to just go home, be thankful for my beautiful wife and gorgeous kids, where I live, my job," he said. "Actually, every day is my birthday."

-Shaquille O'Neal, after scoring 35 points and all points in over time to win the game on his birthday

Where Am I?

In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been posting as much lately. Why?

1. Nothing to report.

Actually, that's wrong. I went to Thailand and Cambodia last month, so obviously there's more to report there than can ever fit in a blog posting. Plus I can always report how I had a ham sandwich for lunch, how it's raining around San Francisco, how the car almost ran out of gas yesterday, how I took a sushi class on Saturday and polished it off with a 3 1/2 hour nap, how I just pulled a quad at Kezar Stadium a half hour ago. But how much of that do you really care about? More importantly, how much do I really care about?

It just doesn't seem worth the time these days. Then again, what is worth the time? What are you readers coming here for? Chances are, you know me and want to see what's up, or you've stumbled across this site and dig my style. Either way, there aren't many of you out there -- I'm watching. It's hard to get the bear dancing for a small show.

2. Laziness.

Kind of. But not really. Most of this blog is written in those passing moments of work. Those moments are still there, but now I find myself doing other stuff. Besides, I'm not a lazy person. I just don't care all that much.

See? I'm bored while blogging this. We're not getting anywhere and I'm just rambling!

Mull this over and tell me what you think, doctor...

Who Hasn't Considered It?

A new study reports that for the first time since 1998, more people moved out of CA to other states than moved in. California's a fantastic state: great weather, gorgeous, more relaxed, fantastic ethnic food.

But I can understand why people are leaving. It's really really expensive.

Sure, everything costs a little more -- a little more for milk, a little more for gas, etc. But we get paid more too, so that doesn't bother me so much. What bothers me are the real estate prices. Buying a medium-sized, no-frills apartment in an OK neighborhood of San Francisco costs $700,000. I could buy a small palace in much of the country for the same price, plus not have the threat of earthquakes looming in the back of my mind. Worse, a crappy house in a crappy suburb ain't much cheaper. Housing is out-of-sight expensive, and before people like myself (young, energetic, considering places to live long-term) make permanent roots here, that very large factor pushes us to look elsewhere.