Where Is This Man?

I'm sick today, and I've been fiending to see Mr. 3000 for a long time. It's got such a great sick day premise - simple plot, dumb jokes, and 90 minutes of Bernie Mac making fun of white people. Yet for the third straight visit to the video store, Mr. 3000 has not been in the house. I grilled the clerk to see if there were any secret/just returned but not put out copies, and he informed me that they only have one copy of Mr. 3000 total.

One copy? This is Bernie Mac we're talking about, the Eddie Murphy of the decade. They need to have more than one copy. I love my video store, and they always give my dog a treat when I'm there, but this nonsense needs to stop.

I got Stuck on You instead, which looks stupid enough to do the trick. Last weekend I picked up Ray instead of Mr. 3000, which was vastly overrated. Call me crazy, but I don't think it's hard to act like Ray Charles--just bump into things and move your torso around uncontrollably. Not much nuance to it. Also, the movie focused too much on drugs and womanizing, which are stories we've heard many times before. What about the unique parts of Ray Charles's life -- being blind and learning how to play piano? How did he get his start? Those sections were the best and badly underdone. The music scenes were great, and Ray Charles does have an amazing story -- this movie could have been incredible. Which, in the end, is what made the actual product so disappointing.

All this typing is making me tired. Back to sleep.

The Jackson 12

The Jackson 12 is definitely the funniest name for a group of jurors I've heard in a while. And even though the numbers look bad on paper for the King (eight women, no blacks), there are a lot of MJ fans in the group, as well as people related to sexual offenders. And one could make a strong argument of course that Michael isn't black himself - anything could happen.

As many of you know, I love MJ, but I wouldn't put these allegation past him. I will say that he's never struck me as an abuser (alcohol, drugs) and he's always come off as asexual. I hope he didn't do it, but it'll be interesting to hear the facts...

Jerry Brown Takes His Shot

Former presidential candidate and CA governor and current Oakland mayor and CA Attorney General candidate Jerry Brown has joined the blogosphere with a no-holds-barred private blog. This is in fact an awesome thing--most blogs by politicians are so official in trying not to offend anybody that they're not worth reading and are clearly written by staff. Not this one--it's the real deal, with human positions and human typing errors.

Pretty awesome. I've always liked Jerry Brown; after being governor of the whole state, he took the job of mayor of Oakland, which tells me he genuinely loves governing, not just being the boss. Also, as mayor of Oakland, he used to live in a ritzy area by Jack London Square. Then he moved into the worst neighborhood in the city because residents complained nothing was being done. The cops took notice; I think they arrested over 100 people in his first week on the block.

Jerry Brown, for your rare trait of having some political guts I award you a permanent link on SuperMattalica. Carry on!

The Battle of the Bulge

Got a call yesterday from the vet. It's time to take the dog in for a weigh in.

For those of you unfamiliar with Otis's struggle against packing on the pounds, here's a summary of Otis's weight.

8/02 - 62 pounds. Skinny bugger.
8/03 - 71 pounds. Some weight gain after getting out of a shelter is normal; dogs are usually nervous in there and don't eat as much.
12/04 - 78 pounds. He's a lardass.

Otis's weight gain is pretty easy to figure out, as his top activities are eating, snacking, sleeping, and resting. Running and romping don't even make the top ten. To combat this growing problem, we've moved him on to the diet dog food, which he loves, and have cut out the calorie-intensive beer from his diet. I'll keep you posted.

Also, big shout out to Lil' Dude today on the 23rd anniversary of his birth. Same birthday as Paris Hilton!

The Ghost of Lemieux

The NHL season was officially cancelled today. To which I, along with most people, say: who cares? Hockey is a terrible TV sport, and they just moved all the teams around and gave them strange names that I can't recall, which makes the sport harder to keep track of and even harder to care about.

The only cool thing I think they've done in hockey over the past few years was to put in the Fox Puck- remember that? The lit-up puck with a trail behind it on the slapshots? Without it, I just can't keep track of the puck, especially when it goes in the boards. There was a general revolt against the Fox Puck, but it made the game better for us casual fans. Sure, rip us half-hearted, channel-surfing folk, but maybe if the puck was easier to follow we would have watched more and the season would still be on. They stuck with the yellow, computer-inlaid first down marker in the NFL, and that seems to have worked out okay.

That said, hockey's great in person. Especially the fights. If they ever get this operation back together, I would like to get to a Sharks game sometime...

This Never Gets Old

...more from the police blotter

Wednesday, February 9, 2005. 1:50 p.m. Sharon Meadows. Arrest-Drugs. An Officer of Park Station was driving through the park when he saw what he believed to be a drug deal. He got out to investigate and saw the object of his attention drop something into the grass. The budding pharmacist stated that he was on probation and had a search condition. The officer searched him and found suspected narcotics. The ever-diligent officer searched the area that the seller had dropped something and found money. The money, drugs, and bad guy were all transported to Park station for booking. This was a groovy arrest!

Thursday, February 10, 2005. 11:15 a.m. Sharon Meadows. Arrest-Drugs. Another fine narcotic arrest in the drugs-are-us section.

Friday, February 11, 2005, 10:39 AM, Haight and Cole Streets. Arrest Warrants While Officer Zukor was riding his police bicycle he observed a man drinking beer on the corner from an open container and promptly cited him for this offense. A field identification check required by the citation process revealed our beer guzzler was wanted out of Los Angeles for a $50,000.00 warrant for his arrest. Officer Zukor advised the arrested character that he had a casting call from Hollywood.

Valentine's Day Orgy

No, not that kind of orgy, perverts. A tea orgy, which was substantially less sweaty but similarly full of good cheer.

Now taking the girlfriend to a tea party on Valentine's Day was a gamble, I admit. It's not a fancy restaurant and there was no wine involved. Still it seemed interesting: different variations of organic tea from around the world, a buffet, desserts. It couldn't be ALL bad.

It looked bad at first--the place was jammed and the buffet line long. I seriously considered bailing. But then we nabbed a table with an older man poring over dusty, yellowed books, a man who I'd seen through the window from the street, and looked interesting, a good person to sit next to.

Boy was I right. Turned out this guy was J. Norwood Pratt, popularly known as the "Pope of Tea," a guy who has devoted a huge portion of his life to tea, has written the authoritative book on tea, who was going to preside over a tea party with Larry Ellison's wife this weekend. And when you think about it, tea is a fascinating beverage. After water, Norwood claimed, it's the most consumed beverage in the world. Politically/historically, tea is hugely important: consider the Boston Tea Party, the exploration of the West, the colonization of India, Marco Polo's travels to China. It's a calming ritual shared by people all over the world, and there's a simplicity to it, a serenity to it, that's very charming.

Better yet, Norwood recited romantic poetry twice during the night. Reciting isn't the right word; he bellowed it, tortured it, became it. I can't tell good poetry from graffiti, but his delivery brought it alive--his face turned red, his veins materialized, his eyes bulged. Fabulous.

The story of his romance with his lover (who was at the table) is pretty good. I like to think I have one of the best relationship-starting stories of all time, as I first met Karla when she was descending a fireman's ladder from her burning apartment building. Norwood's is pretty good too--he met his woman on a cruise forty years ago. Valerie went on to marry somebody else, but after her husband died she still remembered the guy from the cruise, and, with the help of the Internet, tracked him down. They've been together for four years since--all in all, a perfect tale for Valentine's Day.

The Inner Not-Souckset

Last night I voyaged to the Inner Sunset district of San Francisco for beer and revelry. The Inner Sunset, clustered around the 9th and Irving intersection, is known most for its proximity to UCSF and thus has a healthy overrun of nerdy med students in the area. We visited two bars that were virtually dead before settling on the Mucky Duck which was less dead due to four main factors: darts, strange beer, gambling dice games, and illegal nonenforcement of the smoking ban.

I had a great time at the M.D., and enjoyed several interesting, new beers, including Death & Taxes, which is made by one dude in some small town in Cali, and, of course, is unavoidable. Darts was also fun, and I'm proud to report that I overcame an accidentally self-imposed dart stab to come back and win the day for S&M (Scott & Matt) with two bull's-eyes in a row.

However, smoking in bars is the pits. I don't really mind the smell all that much (although I do mind it), but I hate how it makes my clothes stink and renders them unwearable without a thorough washing. I know there's some exception to the rules, wherein if all the employees are co-owners of the bar, smoking is okay if all the co-owners sign off on it (the ban is largely in place to protect the employees who inhale the smoke all day). But in the case of the Mucky Duck, where there are numerous No Smoking signs posted around the establishment, I think they just break the law to get more customers. Probably not the best business plan for the long haul, but they were pushing their Desperate Housewives party on Sunday nights, so perhaps they're trying to tap an alternate (and sweeter smelling) source of income...?

From the Land of Soccer Hooligans

Ikea Hooligans!

I'm all for cheap furniture, but this is absurd. Those damn Swedes, at it again.

Going Both Ways

I've been using my left hand to mouse on my computer at work. Carpal tunnel syndrome is a real problem for us computer-intensive people, so I decided I'd give lefty a go.

Not so bad, once you get used to it. It's cool to be ambidextrous too...despite all that practice, my left-handed layups still stink. Finally, my niche!

The Sonnets Are True

A heart really can be broken by a traumatic event.

Behold...2005!

So last night I wanted to show Karla a dope music video I'd seen at work with Nelly and Tim McGraw. I went and grabbed my laptop, logged onto Launch, and watched as the computer easily found the file, picked the bitrate appropriate for my connection speed, and played it for free. We watched the video in bed, via a wireless DSL connection.

It hit me--this is the future! We don't have teleporters or cars that fold into suitcases yet, but this is stuff we couldn't have imagined fifteen years ago. Amazing.

Sure beats the old days, when living to the grand old age of 25 was a rarity.

Nazi Killer

An ex-guard at Nuremberg just came out with the information that he semi-wittingly smuggled Hermann Goering a suicide capsule in his cell. You may recall Goering as basically the number two Nazi in the regime, and the number one living Nazi at the time, seeing as Adolph had already bought his one-way ticket to a godless Hell. Anyways, Goering was scheduled to be executed in a few hours, so this guard saved him that indignity I suppose-at the time, Goering was unhappy because he was slated to die by hanging not by shooting, which was the appropriate, Nazi way to go.

Either way, the guard basically is responsible for killing Goering, which I think is pretty awesome as far as killing someone is involved. Let's face it, when the #2 architect of the worst mass murder in history dies thanks to your action (even if they are blubbery, naive, and possibly illegal actions, as the article reveals), take a little credit.

Mudville, Iraq

I hate when a war gets in the way of a good mudfight. Apparently, so do some of the American troops in Iraq, so they decided to hold their own. Now, I think this was an extremely stupid thing for the soldiers to do, but in all fairness it's better than doing drugs or pissing on prisoners.

Boy our standards have fallen!

As usual, nobody covers nude antics quite like the NY Daily News.

Tamalpais, Demon!

Today was my most difficult bicycling challenge yet: a sixty mile trek up Mt. Tam in Marin. Not only is that a vast and tiring distance, I basically went from sea level to 2571 feet, which is no walk in the park. Compounding problems, I have a mountain bike which is extremely inefficient and not the best way to ride to work, much less tackle the largest mountain in the area.

Nevertheless, I made it! My legs are jelly, my face sunburned, and my crotch numb, but it was awesome. Especially the way down.

Super Gambling

The Super Bowl is upon us, and I am in for the following numbers in the office pool:

Patriots 7 Eagles 1
Patriots 2 Eagles 2
Patriots 3 Eagles 3
Patriots 0 Eagles 6
Patriots 6 Eagles 4 (my best selection)

I really have no idea if any of these are gonna pay off, as the Super Bowl is never a boring score a la 14-7 or 21-14. I did check out a cool website, however, which says that my odds with winner 6 and loser 4 offers an 8.5% chance of winning. Seeing as the Patriots are gonna win this one by about 300 points, I'm hoping that my last number there will be a winner.

Statistics info here.

By the way, if you're not betting on the game you really should. It makes even the most pointless blowout far more exciting.

Peeved

On my way in to work this morning I must have seen at least three idiots riding their bike on the sidewalk. This really annoys me, as when I'm a pedestrian you never know if these numskulls, who are more often than not high on crack, will slam into me. I hate people who ride their bikes on the sidewalk, I hereby declare it my number one pet peeve.

Which got me thinking--people have some pretty funny pet peeves. My girlfriend, for example, refuses to consume food or liquid in a plastic container. She eschews tupperware, and prefers to put leftovers in ceramic bowls and cover them in plastic wrap. I don't like that plasticy tuppertaste either, but she's a fascist about it and even bought these weird glass jars from Ikea to store food. Weird.

Also, I recently met a dude who hates it when they check your receipt upon leaving a store, like Costco or Best Buy. His thinking is that he just paid them a lot of money and the least they can do is let him walk out of the store without treating him like a criminal, so he does his best to ignore/dodge the receipt-checkers who then must ironically treat him like a criminal because he's behaving like one. A good pet peeve though--I approve.

Audience participation time--any other crazy peeves out there?