"I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!"

Have you heard about this new movie Snakes on a Plane? Apparently a bunch of blogs caught wind of the title while the film was in development, loved it, and started a maelstrom of support for the movie (which stars Samuel L. Jackson), even going so far as to create fake trailers and ads for the movie. Wikipedia

Fan support grew so rabid that when they found out Snakes on a Plane was going to be A) PG-13 and B) renamed Pacific Air Flight 121 they went absolutely bonkers and demanded that they not change the name. In response, Samuel L. Jackson reportedly said, "We're totally changing that back. That's the only reason I took the job: I read the title."

In another unprecedented move, the studio filmed an extra five days to add more gore, sex, and profanity. Most importantly, the fans demanded that Samuel L. Jackson say:

"I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!"*

Which they did. Awesome.

This is a classic case of a stupid high-concept movie working. I talked with a Hollywood exec recently who told me my screenplay was doomed because people couldn't figure out what it was about from the title, a la Wedding Crashers, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Dodgeball, etc. (The other way comedies get made, he told me, is that the writer is friends with Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler.) Snakes on a Plane is, admittedly, perfect.

*This is usually a family blog, but I make exceptions for Samuel L. Jackson quotes

One Line Stories

He'd referred to his parents as "The Rents" on their first date as well. - SB

On the drive back to the office he decided her lipstick was the color of boiled lobsters. - MS

He doesn't stutter when we're alone, she told her friends. - CC

He picked the used car salesman's bone splinter from his back molar and thought to himself: Next time I'm test driving a Miata. - CB

Anybody else?

Stories courtesy The Writing Group

Uncle David Gets Racy

My Uncle David sent this gem over. Note: I have three Uncle Davids. In fact, I don't have any uncles NOT named David.

Break Out Your Dancing Shoes

Michael Jackson is releasing a new album.

Funny story: a few years ago I was living in Seattle and I heard a professional-sounding ad on the radio for a Michael Jackson concert. It sounded slick and professional, so I spent the entire next morning calling the phone number on the ad.

I didn't get through. I was devastated.

Then it turned out the radio station had made it up as a prank. Not funny. Although they did get some hilarious angry messages on their answering machine.

Shake It Cali

Today is the 100th anniversary of the Great San Francisco Earthquake. There was a memorial at 4:30 am in downtown SF to honor the destruction of my beautiful city--I wanted to attend, but I was feeling sick, I stayed up kind of late, yada yada yada, it was a beautiful ride into work this morning!

Living over several major faultlines, there is a subcurrent of danger in Bay Area life. But the scenery is so drastic, the culture is so crazy, shouldn't the seismology be too?

Things we are doing to honor the earthquake:
1. Releasing a report to scare everybody about the next earthquake
2. Not retrofitting the Bay Bridge in a timely manner
3. Not coming up with a city-wide plan to respond to an earthquake, and telling people they'll have to save their own skins instead

Pretty disappointing, especially for a relatively got-it-together place like San Francisco...

Transcending Ridiculous

Only in San Francisco.

Good Omens for Good Friday

As has been heavily documented here and elsewhere, I regularly ride my bike to work. This week, after weeks of rain, I've finally had the opportunity to get back on the bike and ride in a few days. It's great to be back!

1. In the past, I used to see a little old Chinese lady riding her crappy mountain bike through Sausalito. Not only did she ride extremely slowly and feebly, as if she was going to topple over at any second, she also wore a baseball cap UNDERNEATH her helmet! The baseball cap is always angled about 30 degrees to the side, as if she is en route to a rap video.

Naturally, I always wish this old lady a good morning as I pass her. Once she got used to me doing this, she started wishing me good morning too.

Today, after four months of not seeing her, presumably because of inclement conditions/early nightfall, I found her right by the ferry terminal in Sausalito! Greetings were exchanged; our anonymous relationship sparkled. Hooray!

2. As I got closer to work, I passed a gentleman in full cycling regalia riding an expensive road bike and SIMULTANEOUSLY sipping a latte. For those of you who have not ridden a road bike, trust me that this is no simple task, and says oceans about the gentleman's fine character, as well as the day's destined good fortune.

I saluted his impressive multi-tasking regimen, and he saluted me in turn!

3. UPDATED!!! Not sure how I forgot this one, but I also exceeded 40 mph on my way down the hill from the Golden Gate Bridge, into a stiff headwind. REWARD: the boss let us go home at 2.

Steee-rike!

The Bus is a bowler.

Jerome Bettis was just selected for the Celebrities Bowling Hall of Fame. Apparently he's bowled a perfect game and maintains an average above 200.

?!??!!!

That might explain how as a running back he knocked over opposing defenders like bowling pins!

A Patriotic Ass

Red and blue rings have been discovered around Uranus!

How on earth did somebody got away with naming a planet that? (earth pun intended)

The Tournament of Books

Has added a secret zombie round!

This will change the wagering considerably. For those of you who are already out of the running, I feel you: I had Never Let Me Go (the best book I've read this year, although my current book is poised to surpass it) going all the way in my bracket. Come on, who saw Home Land, aka the George Mason of literature, coming?