Hammer & Sickle

Just saw a motorcycle drive down Haight Street with the ol' Soviet flag on it. I was irked. I'm not exactly sure why, as I think CCCP shirts are cool. But seeing the symbol for international communism/tyranny pissed me off. (The same way I'm annoyed by Nazi gear, those German army coats that seem to be all the rage with hipster girls, Osama bin Bush t-shirts. Those are very popular in San Francisco. Last week (again on Haight Street), some guy looked at my Osama bin Laden Public Enemy Number One shirt and said it's Bush who's the public enemy. Come on dude! No comparison!)

Moving on, in the spirit of International Brotherhood and May Day, a quick chat on Social Security. I actually like Bush's proposed plan. What's wrong with a little investing if done carefully? What's wrong with trusting people to make the right decision instead of insisting the government knows better? (That is a major problem with the Democrats, assuming people are too stupid to take care of themselves.) Who would you trust with your money more, you or the government? Besides, as Bush pointed out, just put it all into bonds and you'll make more on Social Security than you would otherwise, guaranteed.

(Although when he said that, I immediately thought that the government is the organization that pays out those bonds...won't the government end up stiffing itself if they put the interest rate above inflation/expected tax revenues as people buy billions of bonds and the government has to come up with far more cash to pay it back when they cash in? Doesn't seem so smart in the long-term.)

What I have to question is the timing. This is a forward-looking plan from Bush to address a problem that's not going to rear its ugly head for forty years. Great! But why does he ignore the environment, the budget deficit, the United Nations, and lots more serious long-term problems in the interests of the short-term and all of a sudden pays attention to Social Security?

There must be a hidden agenda. Keep your eyes on the details...

Another Reason Why Texas Sucks

Where else would they refuse to name a road after Willie Nelson?

Michael Chabon is Gay! (and Deconstructing Writing Class)

So announced my professor last night at my writing class last night. A little bit weird, as Chabon has a wife and four kids. But, as my professor pointed out, all of his protagonists are gay, so there's gotta be something there he's really dealing with.

I'm inclined to agree. If homosexuality is on his mind so much, he must have questions about his own situation, and I'm sure there was an intensive fresh-out-of-college experimentation phase. But four kids? That's a lot to repress feelings he may not want.

Last night at class we had the classic discussion about types of stories. According to my professor, there are story stories, and then there are stories with the protagonist as a stand-in for the author. My professor is a huge fan of the latter, while I am firmly in the former camp. His argument is understandable -- write what you know, and liven it up with details to make it more interesting. Fine. But let's face it, my life's been amazingly good. Almost all of my "conflict" is about stupid little things that don't really matter at all. And to me, that's not usually interesting, or something I want to keep reading.

To me, the electricity of reading is often magical -- that's why I love authors like Nabokov and Rushdie and Marquez. The wild imagination of these works, the evocative description take me somewhere exciting and beautiful. It's very hard to sustain, but when it's good it's the best. Whereas reading about some stand-in for the author's life, while often poignant and moving, is a lot more blah.

I don't think writers can write fiction without putting themselves in it - where else are we getting our material? Those emotions and ideas come from us. But what's wrong with stretching our minds a little bit? What's wrong with a little creativity instead of sticking to beauty in the mundane?

This is a case of different strokes for different folks, I believe, and to my professor's credit he's pretty good about saying what he likes but appreciating what he doesn't like but is well done. Which is better than my professor from college could do.

Al Franken for Senator?

He's got my vote!

Can't wait to watch those press conferences.

Pit Stop PSA

I found a useful website for finding out why my computer is so damn slow. Click here to check it out.

It Was Bound to Happen

Yesterday, when responding to an ad for a camera case on craigslist, I ended up emailing somebody I know.

Granted, she's my girlfriend's friend's sister-in-law so we're not that tight, but I have met her a few times and knew her well enough to recognize her name. We had a nice little "what a coincidence!" email chat, and then I ended up not buying her camera case because Karla found an old one in the closet.

Still, pretty weird. The world is definitely getting smaller.

In Defense of Los Angeles

This is a convincing case that LA beats NY in a quality of life standard.

Then again, it doesn't mention traffic.

Considering Renunciation

The Redskins have their foot so far up their ass it hurts to look at.

Last season they spent a lot of money on Mark Brunell, who everybody else in the league knew was washed up. He played half the season and guess what - he was washed up! For some reason, we haven't cut him yet, although I hope the axe will fall soon. So then we turned to Patrick Ramsey, who's had an okay stretch of games but hasn't really gotten comfortable. Gibbs named him the starting quarterback for 2005. Finally, a little consistency, a little patience.

Then what did we do? Trade THREE draft picks for ONE draft pick to select a first-round player who most experts predicted shouldn't have been picked until the second round at the earliest. This guy was good at Auburn, fine, but also had the top two running backs in the country behind him. Even I can look good handing off. I'd say more on this, but Kornheiser does it better.

I was excited when Daniel Snyder bought the team several years ago. He spends the money, and he's clearly dedicated to winning. What he has not demonstrated is a learning curve, and that is what deeply distresses me.

Let's count the MAJOR missteps:
1. Keeping Norv Turner while firing our GM
2. Deion Sanders/Bruce Smith/The entire overpaid 2000 squad (although we did finally make the playoffs, which roucked)
3. Letting Steve Spurrier in the building
4. Cutting Stephen Davis
5. The LaVar Arrington contract dispute
6. Trading Laveranues Coles for a crappy second-string receiver with the last name Moss and the first name not Randy
7. Letting Rod Gardner sit around and pollute the franchise
8. Headcases from Miami
9. Not upgrading our terrible offensive line or cutting overrated Chris "False Start" Samuels
10. Having the most boring, predictable, non-shotgun-running offense in the NFL
11. Sending out at least three contradictory statements the week before the draft
12. Letting Antonio Pierce and Fred Smoot sign elsewhere

OK, there were some good moves too, like dumping Champ Bailey and bringing back Gibbs. But they've looked really dumb recently, and not getting a good wide receiver or upgrading our terrible offensive line in this draft looks extremely stupid. We can't run or pass because our line sucks. It's clear. They need new people there.

Worst of all, the Patriots keep making quiet signings and contract extensions and keep mining the low rounds of the draft for inexpensive gems. And keep winning Super Bowls. But the Redskins don't pick up on that, Dan Snyder doesn't learn the intracacies of the sport - instead they trade away draft picks to get quarterbacks they don't need, continue to overpay the wrong people, and put a bad team on the field.

Even with Norv Turner, them Randy Moss Raiders are looking pretty good about now...

The eKing

I won my first two auctions ever on eBay today. Pretty lame, I know, considering that eBay has been around for a long time. But I never really got into the pressure of checking on my bids all the time, and half.com just seemed easier. Until they wanted to charge me over $10 for a new Wyclef CD. Get outta town, bub!

So I came away with Wyclef's little-known Creole album for $1.75, plus the latest from Ludacris for a couple bucks more. But better yet was the feeling of WINNING. Especially fun was outbidding the Ludacris competitor by a whole quarter with only a minute left.

Next up: a woman at my work said she bought her car, a sleek Audi wagon, for a fraction of the price off eBay Motors!

The Michael Jackson Problem

This about sums it up...

Self-Centered Miniature Universes

I finally got back on the horse and rode my bike in on Tuesday. It was gorgeous, fantastic, and I felt fabulous. But in the process I rediscovered that commuting bicyclists tend to be assholes. Case in point: the lack of a friendly nod. When I ride my bike to work, I feel in some way part of a community that for whatever reason (to exercise, to save money, to save the planet) has opted to sweat it out on a bike rather than relax in a car or bus. This community is a myth! Cyclists rarely respond to my "hello" or even when I say it's a beautiful day at a red light. I'm not expecting a deep and rewarding friendship, but I would like to see something, to feel like we're together on this.

So, on the way home on Tuesday, I conducted a test. I gave the nod to each and every cyclist I crossed paths with on the Golden Gate Bridge. To be fair, my timing was a little off at first, so a few cyclists didn't see me nod (and thus couldn't be expected to nod back, although there was still plenty of room for them to INITIATE a nod, heaven forbid). Either way, I rode past about 20 people, and none of them nodded back.

This isn't the end of the world. But it's indicative of larger problems with today's big cities, which are that people are engulfed in their own worlds and don't take two seconds out of their day to acknowledge people they don't know (or don't want to know). In a word: unfriendliness. I find this occurrence particularly ironic in San Francisco, where people make such a big deal of being community-oriented and grassroots-centered, where democracy is allegedly vibrant and people are allegedly caring. But after living here for three years, I still have many more friends in New York than in San Francisco, and that's certainly not due to lack of trying (I've joined sports leagues, writing groups, tried to hang with people from work, etc). People just aren't all that outwardly friendly, and getting to really know somebody takes years.

Are San Franciscans too busy? Usually it doesn't seem that way, and it's not hard to clear out a couple hours a week for new people. Are they comfortable with their current friends and not actively looking for more? That's probably part of it. Am I (gasp!) boring or uninteresting or not worth being around? Impossible.

This is a blue state problem we need to work on.

San Francisco Law Enforcement

Ain't no joke neither!

Robbery Force Used

Tuesday, April 12, 2005, 12:00 PM 562 Central Street

A woman was sitting inside a coffee shop at this location working on her computer when a black man 20 to 25 years old, 5" 9" tall and 150 pounds wearing a black coat, red sweatshirt, grey baseball cap and black pants grabbed both her shoulders from behind. When the victim turned around, the man let her go and grabbed her lap top computer and ran out the shop. The woman gave chase and caught the robber a block away and tackled him forcing him to drop the computer. Victim recovered her computer, which was damaged when dropped. The bad man got away and is still at large. This is the second laptop computer robbery from this location in two days. Some tough women hang out in that coffee shop - let the thugs beware.

Possession of Marijuana and Hashish for Sale Arrest

Tuesday, April 12, 2005, 1:05 PM Haight and Shrader Street

Two Park Station Officers observed a man drinking from an open alcoholic container of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and took pro-active steps to cite the inebriate. While writing this man of leisure a ticket, he suddenly bolted from the police causing one heck of a foot chase, which he lost after a few blocks. It must have been the alcohol, thought the Officers, but no, corrected the runner, it was ”all the drugs I'm carrying in my pockets.” The Officers then discovered three chunks of hashish and four baggies of marijuana, which this beer loving drug dealer claimed, was quality stuff.

Burglary of a Vehicle, Arrest Made

Thursday, April 14, 2005, 6:45 a.m.; 1300 Block of Page Street.

Officers responded to a call, made by a garbage engineer, of two guys breaking into a car. Officers arrived and immediately detained two guys matching the given descriptions. One of the guys had bags full of loot, obviously not his, and gave officers some lame account of how he acquired the items. Not believing this truth-challenged guy, officers were able to locate the rightful owner of the property. She told officers that Pinocchio could have only obtained her belongings by breaking into her car. She positively identified her items and Pinocchio and his bad friend were transported to Park Station. At the station it was determined that Pinocchio hadn't even given officers his true name. He was arrested for the new felony charges, as well as an outstanding felony warrant. His friend was released for lack of evidence against him, this time.

NOTE FROM MATEO: This last one is just disgusting.

Death Case, Cause Unknown/Poss. Suicide

Sunday, April 17,2005, 7:30 AM Kezar Stadium

A citizen, who was jogging inside of Kezar Stadium Park, informed Sgt. Gin that a person was hanging from a pole inside the Stadium. Sgt. Gin and Officer Clark responded into the stadium and located victim (John Doe) handing from the north/west utility light pole. . Paramedics arrived on the scene and pronounced the victim dead. The medical examiner took charge of the victim and the investigation. The officers attempted to locate any witnesses with negative results. The victim appeared to be a Hispanic male in his 40's to 50's wearing blue jeans, black tennis shoes, and black nylon jacket with a maroon blanket around his upper body and shoulders.

International Law

Ain't no joke!

Big props to my man JG for leading the charge to get these suckas.

Car Naps

So yesterday afternoon, I noticed several people sleeping in a minivan in the parking lot at work. It was a nice minivan, and we're next to a school, so I figured that these people were tired after a long day and waiting to pick up their kids. Still, it was weird.

But then I realized that every time I go to the beach there are a zillion people parked facing the ocean - and sleeping. From San Diego to San Francisco, this is the norm. Yes, a good proportion of these people look scary and on drugs, but plenty of them are normal too. What gives? Do these people sleep better with an ocean view and fresh ocean air and the sound of waves crashing against the shore? (It's debatable that the view, air, and sound are that good anyway from the stinky, loud, view-obstructed parking lot.) Do people enjoy the feeling of slumbering on valuable real estate? Why not get out of the car and go down to the beach?

I noted another stupid habit on my recent trip to Denver - the David Puddy airplane traveler. On my flights from Vegas-Dallas and Dallas-Phoenix, I was the ONLY person reading a book on the flight. Everybody else was either reading shwag like People or staring at the seat in front of them. Mindless! It was a breath of fresh air to get on my Phoenix-SF flight and instantly become the only person in my row not to be reading a recent hardcover (they were reading books I want to read too, Saturday and Snow).

Moral of the story? Red states do, in fact, suck.

Beds Are Burning?

Turns out W owns an iPod.

Which begs the question - has this dude been listening to too much Slayer? (I know I have!)

Feel the Burn

Well, I just slapped down my $250 (plus service fees).

Burning Man 2005, here I come!

Yee-Haw!

Last night I escaped from the conference prison camp and visited the Mesquite Rodeo. I've been to many rodeos before, but this one was probably the best. Highlights include:

-Rodeo clowns running up a barrel and LEAPING over a frolicking bull
-The $10,000 challenge, in which a 21 year old cowboy who'd suffered a massive head injury several years ago held on for eight seconds to a bull that had never been ridden by anyone before.
-The sheep rides, in which little kids held on to sheep for as long as they could before falling off and getting (lightly) trampled
-The PA announcer asking all visitors to Texas to stand up, and for all Texans to take off their hats and give us a warm howdy and welcome to "God's Country!"
-When I briefly mistook a rodeo mannequin for an actual person and stood up and screamed that a man was being trampled to death
-Beer for under $7 (but everything's cheap relative to SF)

I also had a chance to meet up with Steve Gibbons, a pal from college, who is not only newly married but the father of a 10-month year-old son. His name?

What else?

Matthew!

Miss Turner I Presume

So I'm in line for dinner at this fancy shmancy Dallas event and doing a little shmoozing with my linemates. The talk turns to football and I mention that my blood ran cold upon passing Texas Stadium on the drive in. Word gets out that I'm a Redskins fan, and this woman turns to me and asks me what I think of Norv Turner.

My first words: I HATE NORV TURNER!

Every true Redskins fan will agree with this, of course, as head "coach" Norv had the backbone of a jellyfish and the personality of stinky bananas. But I may have gone on too long complaining about how he drove the franchise into the ground with his wishy-washiness, how I'd like to be a Raiders fan but can't until he gets fired (shouldn't be long now!).

Then, of course, the woman identified herself as Norv Turner's niece.

She went on to say that there were "a lot of politics at stake there" - which I was intrigued by and asked to hear the details. Hey, Norv's a shmuck but he was certainly a nice guy and I'm willing to consider all of the evidence. She declined, presumably because she's aware that Norv's case is unsalvageable, and gave me the Stare of Hell. Needless to say I continued to a different area for the rest of the evening.

But, as my man Fidel always says, La Historia Me Absolvera!

Road Warrior

I love going new places, but I am sick of traveling. As you've probably been able to piece together here, my last six weeks or so have included trips to Yosemite, Tahoe, Big Basin, Ann Arbor and, of course, Maui Wowie. Granted, they trips have been great, and I've gone new places. But I've also spent a lot of money, and I need a break. I think my dog is forgetting who I am.

So I wasn't overly excited when my boss announced that he's sending me to a conference in Dallas this week, especially since I overtly view Texas as the evil empire. But I'm warming up to the idea, especially as there will be lots of free food and I'll get to hang out with my crazy Mormon pal from college.

Texas: Bring on the ribs!

Maui: A PhotoOdyssey

aloha sunset

aloha rainbow

the luau boy gets his conch on

inside a magical freshwater cave

juggling a bowling ball, a popped balloon, and a piece of dental floss

Helmets on!

inside a volcano

it's raining naked people on the beach!

the view from our condo

Speaking of Crazy Oakland Driving

Read this!

Birthday Gift From the Traffic Gods

Heard a report on the radio that there's a bale of hay loose in the middle of the freeway in Oakland.

rouck!