Driving With Strangers

Interesting article in the Chronicle today...apparently the informal carpool program over the Bay Bridge has been a huge success. Drivers elude the toll and riders get a free ride.

I do my best to avoid the East Bay whenever possible, but it's an interesting (and unregulated) success story. Read it here.

A Letter to My Supervisor

Don't worry, you won't see any more rants like the Berkeley thing for a while...just had to let off some steam...

Dear Supervisor Mirkarimi,

Greetings, and congratulations on your recent election victory. I'm a
constituent of yours on Belvedere Street, and I'm writing about the
proposed 17 cent charge on plastic bags at supermarkets.

Please oppose this fee. I'm not against some tax on plastic bags, but
17 cents a bag is absurd, and can really add up for everybody. Also,
it's a regressive tax, and punishes the poor--why not add a tax that
is fairer and levels a higher incidence on the wealthy? Additionally,
I'm a dog owner, and I rely on those plastic bags to pick up my dog's
poop. It may sound trivial or funny, but it's not--these bags provide
a real service for everyone.

Finally, I'm annoyed by the exemption for local businesses. Why does
the San Francisco government always shun big companies? Why are big
companies bad? When did "corporation" become a dirty word? To be
sure, I love the array of local establishments that add color and
flavor to my neighborhood, but I don't think it's fair to exempt them
from this. Big companies often offer good jobs and health benefits
that many local business don't provide--they play by the rules too,
but they're routinely punished by the Board of Supervisors. I'd be
delighted to see a more symbiotic approach towards big
employers/companies in the city, and the plastic bag issue is a great
place to start.

And by the way, if this tax goes through, I'll just start shopping for
food (and getting my poop bags) in Daly City, for free.

Thanks, and good luck,
MATT STEWART

A Historic Day

As much as I was against the invasion of Iraq, it is awesome that they're voting today.

Freedom is beautiful. And we need to keep the troops there until that freedom is more secure.

Berkeley Sucks the Fat One

It's official: Berkeley sucks.

By Berkeley, I mean both the city and the school. But I'll start with the city.

There are zero good bars in Berkeley. There are a zillion annoying college kids, who I can no longer stand to be around for over ten minutes. The United States Communist Party is based right next door to Berkeley. Now I'm all for universal health care, but hating cars, claiming Bush planned 9/11, and having the absolute stupidest traffic patterns in the universe do not help the cause. The traffic in Berkeley is obscene--and why? Why do so many people want to go there? After all, it sucks!

In 1999, on a weekend trip to San Francisco, I attended a party in Berkeley. Walking to the car afterwards, someone threw a bottle at my head and missed by inches. I started screaming at the nearest building and what do you know, a bunch of stoner dudes lazily came to the edge of the roof and denied everything purely because I was about to rip their heads off. Guilty! In 2003, not having learned my lesson, I attended another party in Berkeley. This time, I was alerted that someone in an SUV had rearended my car while trying to park, and then fled the scene. There was minimal damage, although my Redskins license plate holder was toast. But still, Berkeley sucks.

On to the school: I didn't get into Berkeley Law. Keep in mind: I didn't WANT to get into Berkeley Law, as their International Law program ain't that strong, and I hate Berkeley and wouldn't want to live there. Even so, I applied as my safety school, thinking that at least it would be cheap. Apparently there's something Berkeley Law doesn't get, as I was accepted into better schools in a real city, not one filled by smelly, dumb-driving socialists. Now I don't even want to go to law school, which pisses me off even more.

Most kids who go to Berkeley think they're the shit on ice. And granted, Berkeley's an okay school, and there are lots of smart people who went there. But still, it ain't Harvard, it ain't Yale, it ain't Stanford, it ain't Georgetown. And most kids who go there think that California is the center of the universe and everything outside of it must suck because there is no beach, whereas the rest of the country thinks California is full of airhead weirdos that can't get over cold weather. I've lived both places, and both have valid points. But still, Berkeley kids, your school is fine but not amazing. Get over it.

Most annoying are the people who support the sports teams. This year, for example, Cal had an allegedly good football team and was denied a bid to the Rose Bowl. Berkleyites threw a hissy fit. And then, at the lowly Holiday Bowl, they got steamrolled by Texas Tech. Earth to Berkeley--Texas Tech sucks. And so do you.

The basketball team situation is even worse. If Cal ever beats Stanford or UCLA they think they are God's gift to basketball. Well I've got news for you, Golden Bears: the Pac-10, with a few exceptions, is a terrible conference. UCLA, Arizona and USC make it interesting sometimes, but Stanford is a choker team and the Pac-10 regularly gets smacked around by real conferences, such as the ACC and the Big East. Maybe you guys should lay off the weed and start working on your defense instead.

Finally, the latest affront: UC Berkeley extension denied me admission to not one but TWO writing classes. Why, you might ask? Am I a bad writer? As you've read this far, the answer to that is clearly no. In fact, UC Berkeley could not round up eight people to attend either their Novel Writing Workshop OR their Advanced Writing Workshop so they cancelled the classes. Of course, when I called to find out why nobody had contacted me about admission to the program despited having mailed in my submissing six weeks in advance, they lied and said the instructor was still reviewing manuscripts, not that their low-quality instructors don't attract anybody except the hungriest writers like myself. To sum up, they suck, and I'm going to Stanford, which has instructors I've actually heard of.

Now to be fair, there is one good thing about Berkeley. They have a great dog pound. (Not to be confused with Tha Dogg Pound.) There's a nice dog park too. But if you're not a dog, the place stinks.

As Bad as It Gets Here

It's still better than living in most of the world.

Particularly China.

Then Again

We pretty much break all the rules of decency when it comes to alleged bad guys.

This is disgusting. When is somebody gonna get fired for this?

Who Knows?

I've been reading Madeleine Albright's memoirs recently. They've been surprisingly interesting, funny, and perceptive--a good read.

However, she spends a lot of time talking about problems in the Balkans. This is understandable, as adventures in Bosnia and Kosovo were significant foreign policy projects during the Clinton years. But despite Secretary Albright's approachable writing...I still do not have a clear handle on what's been going on in Yugoslavia/Bosnia/Serbia over the past decade and a half.

I get the gist of it: there was ethnic cleansing, ethnic groups decided to reclaim their homeland from borders that had been forced on them after World War II, Milosevic did a lot of bad stuff as Serbia/Yugoslavian leader, and Muslims were attacked. I read Lafore in high school and I'm aware of the deep history of conflict in the region. But I still don't understand what really happened, I can't keep the Bosnians/Serbs/ethnic Serbs/ethnic Bosnians/Muslims straight, I don't understand who started it and who's to blame. I know Sarajevo was torn apart--but who was doing the tearing, and why?

I think this is kind of like the theory of relativity--we all understand the gist of it (time/space dilates close to light speed), but very few people get the nuances of the whole thing. Of course, people from the region (and top physicists) probably have a better idea.

Why doesn't this happen to me?

As all you NFL Network viewers know, Chad Lewis on the Eagles was injured in the NFC Championship Game, which left the Eagles down a tight end. So what did they do?

What any team playing for a national championship would do: placed a call to the local construction site, and hired a project manager to take his place! Imagine relaxing after a long day bulldozing, going home to crack a beer, and GETTING A CALL TO PLAY IN THE SUPER BOWL!

Granted, the guy (Jeff Thomason) used to play with the Eagles, but he's been out of the NFL for three years. Get this: he has to use VACATION DAYS to cover his voyage to Jacksonville!

Estimated time to major motion picture: two years.

On the Hunt

Just read about the #2 book on Amazon, an adventure book for kids about finding treasure. What's truly amazing is that the guy published the book himself, and he's sold 100,000 copies. That's astoundingly good work, considering he had to make do without a marketing department.

Here's how he did it: the guy made ACTUAL treasures that correspond with the book. If you crack the codes in the book, you can find hidden tokens that can be exchanged for this jewelry--really good stuff too, the guy apparently put $2 million into it.

Break out the headlamps and shovels, and read about it here.

Hell No, I Won't Go

I'm seriously considering boycotting the Super Bowl.

The axis of evil made it. On one side we have the Eagles, who I can never root for for 2 reasons: 1. NFC East Redskins' opponents/death enemies
2. T.O.

Then on the other side we have the Patriots. I hate them because:
1. They always win
2. Boston's had a damn good stretch over the past couple of years, and their pasty, loudmouthed, annoying fans are only getting more annoying

So why watch the game? Considering I could go for a bike ride and have the whole road to myself, or go to my favorite restaurants and have no wait, or simply catch up on some beauty sleep--the options are limitless.

Then again, I'm already in for gambling purposes, so I'll have to at least keep an eye on the score.

I Can't Make This Stuff Up

The zany SF cops are back on the scene:

Fugitive Wanted for Parole Violation Arrested
Monday, January 10, 2005. 08:50 A.M., Park/Playground at Geary Blvd. and Steiner Street. Officers patrolling the park for illegal campers located a fugitive camping under a Park and Recreation Department sign "No overnight camping or sleeping". During the citation process the Officers discovered this fugitive was wanted for parole violation and thus relocated him to the campgrounds at San Quentin.

Narcotics and Felony Warrant Arrest Made
Monday, January 10, 2005, 9:37 A.M., 15th and Sanchez Streets. Our plainclothes Officers observed another camper who set up a shopping cart fort to protect himself from various urban evils. During their investigative inquiry they discovered this street subject was wanted for felony narcotics violations and that he had re-supplied himself with illegal drugs. The Department of Public Works dismantled our urban warrior's fort and our good Officers reserved for him better-fortified accommodations at our County Jail.

Public Service Announcement

Half-off midweek movies in SF and NY!

Click here.

The Best Photo From the Guyana Flood Award Goes to....

Cowabunga!

Salinas, Land of Steinbeck and Expensive Housing

Interesting housing report came out today. Unsurprisingly, California leads the way in unaffordable housing. More interestingly, Salinas ranks as the third least affordable place to live in the US.

I've been to Salinas. It's a dump. Aside from the Steinbeck Center, there's literally nothing to do (pun intended). Apparently this report compares the cost of living to the amount of money the residents have...so NYC, while clearly the more expensive place to live, is relatively not that expensive because New Yorkers make more money.

Which I think is misleading. Come on, to say Salinas is less affordable than Monterey, 20 miles away but far ritzier? One needs more money to buy the same things in Monterey than they do in Salinas...and to me that's what affordable means.

This reinforces an important point: statistics can be contorted to say anything.

Overlooked in the Tsunami Aftermath

Guyana is experiencing massive flooding. Apparently in the past month it's rained more than in the past 100 years. And I can tell you from experience -- it rains a lot there in a dry year.

Most of the people in Guyana live in places that are below sea-level anyway (you can thank the Dutch for that genius engineering), so flooding is always a concern. Apparently a large portion of the coast is 3-5 feet underwater.

Read about it here and see purty pictures here.

This Doesn't Happen Much

A dog pooped on the court during halftime of an NBA game.

Pretty much how I feel about pro hoops too--let's go Steelers!

Yanny Boy

Last night I went to see Yann Martel at a local bookstore. For those of you who haven't been inside a bookstore in the past three years, Yann wrote Life of Pi, which sold a zillion copies and won the Booker Prize. I read the book and enjoyed it a great deal, so I figured he'd be a good guy to see speak.

Two Thoughts:

1. Yann told us that it takes him about four years to write a book and that he writes extremely infrequently (approx. once a month). Although that seems pretty lazy to most of us with real jobs, I gave him the benefit of the doubt--it clearly works for him. Then, when asked to name a contemporary author he liked, he could only mention J.M. Coetzee, as he claimed to be so busy/transfixed by his literary ideas that he can't read anything else while he's working at a snail's pace. Apparently he sneaks in the occasional Nobel Prize winner on trips to the bathroom -- seriously, if this guy doesn't do anything related to his job, what does he do all day long? Watch TV? Drink beer? Cultivate his voice to talk like a snobby, blue-blooded author? Well, I can vouch for him hitting at least one out of three - can you guess which?

2. If you want to make it as a writer, target women. There were 25 people in front of me at the store and 23 were women. And when I think about it, the overwhelming majority of the serious readers/writers I know are women. But don't worry dudes, you still clean up in the ol' roucking category!

If you have some time...

...take a look at Martin Luther King's Letter from Birmingham Jail. It's been a long time since I've read philosophy, and it was good and appropriate to do so today.

Note that MLK is disappointed with moderate whites and the church--clearly a Democrat.

Super Saturday

When I woke up yesterday, I was in the mood for an adventure. So I corralled the girlfriend and dog into the car, found my sunglases, and took off for a magical Bay Area Adventure Extravaganza.

Stop #1
Karla's office. Okay, this part actually soucked. But I did get kicked out of the Moscone Center in SOMA for having a dog.

Stop #2
The Gingerbread House in Oakland. This place leaps off the road--it looks like a gingerbread house! Except it's really a cajun restaurant, and a mediocre one at that. Still, the food was elegantly presented, we received chilled forks for our marshmellow salads, and the gingerbread was definitely up to snuff. A delightful experience I don't ever need to do again.

Stop #3
Alameda! Alameda is an island in the Bay just off of Oakland, and man, it is cool. It's got a bunch of old school businesses and a great beach to walk along and some fun monkey bars which inspired me to tell the infamous Pete Sugg story, in which Pete was walking on top of the monkey bars and fell on top of them, thus requiring testicular surgery. Also some grade-A people in the parking lot willing to jumpstart my car that doesn't frickin beep when I leave the lights on.

Stop #4
We're driving along Alameda, in a big industrial complex, and Karla says, "Raiders!" Indeed, there is was--Raiders World Headquarters, a big, modern building with the pirate head out front and a huge fence around the complex. Goalposts were visible. I can't say I broke in and trashed Norv Turner's office as I would have liked, but I definitely rang the doorbell and ran, which in my opinion is even better.

Stop #5
The Ideal Grocery in San Leandro. They were out of Diet Pepsi Vanilla, my favorite carbonated beverage - BUT they did have this new soda called Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. I kid you not, all that taste packaged in one twenty ounce bottle. It was a pretty good blend of all those different elements, but there wasn't one distinctive flavor, which may be its commercial downfall. Still, it's always exciting to try a new soda, unless it's called Crystal Pepsi.

Stop #6
After dropping Karla off at Ikea, a store which I will enter under no circumstances, I headed over to Best Buy to watch the end of the Steelers-Jets game (at the Ideal Grocery, I'd noticed it was close going into the fourth quarter). Due to in-store connections intended to highlight HDTV capabilities, only one television in the store had the game on, and it was five inches wide and black-and-white but had an antenna. A Best Buy guy referred to it as the big screen. Still, great finish to a great adventure - Steelers win in OT.

Throw It Out

I haven't posted in the last few days because I haven't been able to find a photo of the Three Stooges with a Christmas tree. Granted, I haven't tried very hard. But still, it would make this post a lot better.

My downstairs neighbors still have their Christmas tree up. It is January 14. Christmas was three weeks ago. Orthodox Christmas was over a week ago. Me, I like to have the tree down by Jan. 2. If it is still up today, you are a lazy shmuck. As you can see, this posting basically confirms what we already know: my downstairs neighbors suck.

In other news--check out the career speaker who advised girls to go into stripping! Remember, "for every two inches up there, it's another $50, 000."

Now there's a photo that'd be easy to find...but this is a family blog.

This Just In!

No Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq!

Phew! Close call!

Now, on to Iran!

More from the Park Station Police Blotter

Possession of Drugs for sale: Ecstasy, Psilocybin Mushrooms, and Marijuana

Friday, January 7,2005, 1:37 PM, 1825 Haight St. Acting on numerous complaints from Haight Street merchants and residents, plainclothes officers set up a surveillance. They observed 2 males engage is behavior consistent with drug dealing. A detention and pat search revealed the drug Ecstasy and mushrooms packaged for sale. A booking search found the marijuana secreted where the sun never shines.

Robbery Force Used

Friday, January 7, 2005, 3:45 PM, Golden Gate Park at Haight and Stanyan Streets. Three men, two described as white males led by a black male 25-30 years old, 6'3", 190 pounds, brown hair and eyes, jumped a young man visiting the park and stole his marijuana, money, CD player and cell phone. The visitor received a black eye during this very public robbery where many people are believed to have witnessed but had not bothered to call police. This area known as Alvord Lake has been the site of countless arrests by the Police at Park Station for fugitives, drug dealers and downright nasty criminals. The victim on a higher moral plane did not desire the suspects be arrested just his marijuana and property returned.

Burglary, Robbery, Parole Violation

Sunday, January 9, 9:58PM, 690 Stanyan Street. Suspect entered the store and yelled at the clerks, "I just got out of the penitentiary and nobody better mess with me." He proceeded to steal alcohol and fight with security. He was arrested. Unfortunately he obviously feels more at home in prison.

And because police works isn't all funny stuff, here's a real, scary one:

Felony Battery, Malicious Mischief Vandalism to Vehicle, Resisting Arrest

Sunday, 01/09/05, 6:08 AM, Fell and Divisadero Streets. A man assaulted the Arco gas station attendant pinning him against a car and striking and kicking the victim's head approximately 15 times. The motive for the assault appears to have arisen from a verbal argument over the attendant not selling the man cigarettes and matches which the station does not sell. The police were called and the assailant fled on foot. During his flight this man was observed kicking cars and smashing car windows with a hard object. On arrival the police initiated an immediate search which resulted in locating this violent criminal at Steiner and Hayes. The man was now armed with a metal rod. As one officer approached the man ran away and a foot chase ensued which lasted several blocks before he ran into a backyard area where the police found him hiding. The man was placed under arrest after resisting violently.

The Greatest Website in All the Land

So I emailed Crag with a suggestion last night. Craig from Craigslist.

Not only did he get back to me...check the timestamp.

-----Original Message-----
From: Craig Newmark [mailto:craig@craigslist.org]
Sent: Tuesday, January 11, 2005 3:49 AM
To: Matt Stewart

This guy kicks arse!

If you've never been to Twin Peaks at night

Go! I went last night.

I recommend riding your bike. A little scary on the unlit road, but when you come around those bends and see the city lit up like a Christmas tree without headlights or grimy windows to muck up the clarity--wowsers. Not too hard a ride either, it's a pretty easy ascent as San Francisco ascents go.

And by Twin Peaks I refer to the SF landmark, not the movie/tvshow.

Hours of Entertainment

This is incredibly fun.

But it makes you wonder--how long until Skynet takes over?

Pooch Power

This just in from the Only in San Francisco File:

I am now legally required to fill up my dog's bowl with water every day. Also, the bowl must be stable. Also, I must provide clean bedding.

I always provide water in a stable container and clean bedding, of course. The problem is, Otis doesn't LEAVE it as stable water bowl and clean bedding, unless your idea of stable water includes massive amounts of water on the floor and your idea of clean bedding includes several thousand dog hairs.

Read about it here.

And yes, that is a picture of Otis opening his Christmas present (personalized dog bowls!).

Splitsville

Big day for the axe in SF today. The mayor divorced his former-lingerie-model wife and the 49ers fired their head coach and GM. Not such a nice way to start off the year.

Although I can understand. The mayor and his wife were living bicoastal, and the 49ers have been an embarrassment to the state. Still, I won't be happy until Al Davis comes to his senses and cuts loose the loser in Raiderville.

A Meteorological Note

It has rained in San Francisco for the past two weeks, and there's no end in sight. I realize that 50 degree rain is far better than 20 degree ice, but what can I say: I like to ride my bike to work.

Although it's awesome for Tahoe.

(For those of you who couldn't tell, it's been a slow week.)

Fun Fact Gleaned From My Ophthalmologist

Did you know that people with bad vision (like me) have larger eyeballs than people with good vision? Apparently the eyeball and all the other parts (nerves, retina, etc) get stretched out in people with poor vision--although they don't know whether bad vision causes the stretching or vice versa. More here.

Other than that, today's trip to the eye doctor was pretty terrible, what with worse vision, an increased risk of suffering a detached retina (just the sound of that sounds horrendous), and an outside shot at glaucoma...

That's the sound of the man...

Workin' on the chains at Tahoe!

Mad love to CalTrans for getting 37 feet of snow off the road in record time. These guys are amazing. Without their fine work and industrial snow removal equipment reminiscent of combine farm machinery, there's no way we could have torn apart the amazing powder dump at Northstar this weekend. Credit also goes out to the minivan, chains and plenty of windshield wiper fluid.

2005: Off to a great start!